I like to reflect on my life often and see how much I’ve changed. Sometimes the changes are subtle and difficult to notice; others the changes are more obvious. I went on a journey this year because I was tired of being terrified of horror movies. I found myself trembling, shaking and even crying when presented with anything mildly scary; even children’s horror was enough to set me off. If film and film criticism are a passion of mine, it feels difficult to do if I have to discount an entire genre because of my fear. This summer I decided to change that by going on a horror journey.

I will rate each movie with a scare number out of 10, to indicate how scared I was, and I will edit this post with links to full reviews of each movie, hyperlinked at the end of each paragraph.

The first one I started with was The Babadook (2014). I was reminded of this movie due to its new found appreciation in Pride Month, due to a Netflix accidentally categorising it in its LGBT+ section, and being welcomed and re-appropriated into LGBT+ culture. Having seen this movie, I can understand why; the Babadook could quite easily represent someone’s realisation of their sexual orientation and the following shame. I have to admit, during the climax of the film I could only watch through my fingers. I had a jumpscare list open (from wheresthejump.com) and was carefully counting down the time to the next jump. If anything, this made me more terrified as I kept thinking about how scary the next jump would be and how it would make me flinch. I struggled to enjoy it because I was so focused on my palpitating heart and my clammy hands. It was a very well-written and tense film, but I was unable to focus on much more beyond the horror. I do appreciate its lack of jumpscares and focus on the tension and psychological horror, but in some ways this made it more petrifying and difficult to watch. I would love to watch this again some time, because I think I would be able to appreciate it much more when I’m not hiding, and the revelation at the end of the film would make the second time more interesting. All in all, I would rate this 8 scares out of 10.

After the Babadook I moved onto Get Out (2017), which came out earlier this year. I had heard a lot of buzz about it when it was first released but I kept putting off watching it due to my fear. Surprisingly, Get Out ended up being more of a mystery thriller with comedic relief, which made it a more comfortable viewing. It still was a tense experience but I didn’t have as much of a physical reaction as with The Babadook. Like The Babadook, the movie was deep and meaningful, with lots of symbolism and complex social issues. Due to this being a more relaxed viewing, I was able to think a lot about the representations and meaning on a deeper level. If you want to check out my analysis or see if you missed anything from your viewing, check out my other Get Out post here [link]. I give this movie a 6 scares out of 10. Not that it wasn’t scary or wasn’t good, just that I was less scared than I expected to be, and ended up being able to enjoy.

Watching Get Out gave me confidence that I could watch horror movies without having a mental breakdown, so I decided to follow this idea. I thought that classic horrors would probably be easier to watch due to older movies often becoming dated with newer technology, better effects and a different culture. So with that in mind my next two films were Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) and Halloween (1978). My experience of Nightmare on Elm Street was ruined by the fact that I have seen endless parodies and references to it, as it is a classic. A lot of the major death scenes or scary moments had been spoiled for me, to the point where I had Deja Vu. I was convinced I had already seen it, but that was probably down to pop culture shows like The Simpsons. However, I did enjoy the charisma of Freddy; how his comedic taunting of Nancy never spoiled the terror you felt when he appeared on screen. Freddy definitely defined himself as a classic horror villain through his comedic remarks, his incredible costume and makeup and his terrifying ability to show up at any time. I would give Nightmare on Elm Street 6 scares out of 10.

Halloween on the other hand, was terrifying and tremendous all at once. Out of the two, Halloween is probably the most dated; due to the popularity of Halloween and how early it was released, much of its plot became tropes in later horror movies. For example there are lots of small moments like Michael peeking out from a hedge watching Laurie and as soon as she looks he’s gone, or after he gets shot (spoiler alert!) his bloody body disappears. They’re easy to laugh at now but this movie was the one that started the cliches first. That’s how popular it was. All in all Halloween was a surprise, especially after watching Nightmare on Elm Street.

These four movies gave me the confidence to start watching more horror movies, this time without my jump scare list training wheels. After Halloween, I watched Goodnight Mommy (7 scares out of 10), Cabin in the Woods (6 scares) and even Jigsaw (3 scares). I’m so proud of myself for going through this journey, especially as there were moments where I felt so terrified I couldn’t take it, and even had nightmares after watching some (I’m looking at you “IT”), but I pushed through. Now I love horror films and rarely feel scared, so when I’m scared I know it’s a really good one. For anyone who is terrified of watching horror movies, I will post all my tips and techniques I used to calm myself. Good luck to all those who want to venture out on this journey and Happy Halloween to all those that love horror!